Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Garage Muscle and a Tale of Two Minds

As the title implied, today's workout took place in our garage. In a very small space, due to clutter. I have a weekend project now.  It wasn't anything big. Just three sets of:

10 push ups,
10 upright rows with a 25 lb kettle bell,
10 sandbag shoulder slings, and
10 air squats.

The last set of squats, I added a slosh pipe. I will be doing that all the time now.  Blessed Killer of Abs!  Instructions to build your own are in the link.  I highly recommend it.  In fact, my garage gym has been the single best influence on improving my health, other than select people.  A future post will show and describe each piece of my home gym.


I've been battling with myself a lot lately. My two biggest challenges have been not spending money and eliminating sugar. It feels as though there are two minds in my head. One, the rational one, wants to change.  He sees the benefits and wants them. He is willing to sacrifice to get them. He knows what is right, what I should be doing. I refer to him as my grown-up brain. Or wolf, if you know the allegory. He is similar to the Senex in Jungian psychology. He is what I want to be. The trouble is, he doesn't seem to be in charge of my actions and decisions.

That honor lies with the child brain/wolf. He is the impulsive, childish, selfish, prideful, needy one. (Am I saying I am all those things? Yes, yes I am.)  He is the Puer Aeternus, the God child.  He's terrified of becoming the Senex. He's afraid of missing out.  He worries that committing to any path eliminates all the others. (Which it only partially does.)  He does what feels good, when it feels good. He doesn't connect the consequences to the actions.  He is eternally malleable and shifting.

And he doesn't want to leave. 

This eternal child likes being in charge, likes sharing his premature wisdom. He thinks he can skate by on smarts and dumb luck.  And as he does, the Senex, the old man, counts the hours wasted in reckless pursuit of pleasure, leisure, and ease.  This is the battle raging in my head moment to moment.  As I lay here, typing this post on my tablet, the adult wolf is counting all the tasks I didn't do. And the child brain is begging to sleep.  And I feel torn.

I know there aren't really two minds. Just useless and destructive habits that undermine my efforts to change.  The Senex has been neglected for so long, he is weak and easily dismissed by the strong, well-fed Puer.  He always speaks up, though, even after all these years of being ignored. The voice has gotten weaker, but it's always there. And that's the key.  Putting in the effort to heed that voice and ignore the blaring pleas for the now and the wants. Working at working.  Which, for a lazy individual, is magnitudes harder. Because while you're working,  you have to work at working.  It all sounds so exhausting. Or exciting. 

My inner child must be sleepy.

Monday, May 12, 2014

Catching Up

I have seriously been slacking on posting. My apologies. Well, I would apologize if I had any readers. Yet. But, as this started as an exercise to keep me honest in my efforts to improve,  blaming my lack of new content on a lack of readership seems slightly hypocritical. So, let's play a little catch up:

I have not done well adhering to my rules. The reasons for this are many. However, two main factors stick out. 1, I don't engineer my environment to increase my chances of success. I still have sweets in the house, I still allow myself trips to the mart to get snacks and I don't have a reliable accountability partner.  (Although this seems to be changing in the near future.)  2. I let stress get to me too easily. I don't have methods of de-stressing that don't involve lazing about and pigging out.

It sucks cutting good people out of your life. This is unfortunately necessary, occasionally.  It still hurts and it is never easy, at least not for me.  But, no regrets, right? 

In spite of the many setbacks in my life, I feel uncharacteristically optimistic. This is a new sensation for me. As though this new chapter carries with it genuine hope and real promise. This leaves me uncharacteristically excited.

As always, thank you for joining me on this journey.  I have several future posts planned, most likely to come once I have finished the training I'm currently assigned to be in.  Feel free to check back or subscribe to receive updates. Once I've discovered how to set subscribing up....

I have placed a subscription link to the right. Blogger is surprisingly easy.